Regret

      When I was younger, I spent a lot of time wishing my circumstances were different, wishing I made different choices and decisions, wishing for a different life. I had quite a few regrets. In the past few years, I’ve realized that regret is a waste of time. You cannot change the past. You can learn from your decisions and ensure you do not repeat the ones that did not work out as you wanted them to. Why then, do so many of us live with regret? Rather than regret, learn the lesson. Realize that the decision you made at that time seemed like the right decision, and it was not only until you lived with your decision or choice, that you regretted it.

      Regret can take a lot of our time and our energy and change our focus from the present to the past. We can shape our present and future based on our decisions from the past that did not serve us well. The practice can hold true on a daily basis. If you said something you regret, then deal with it. Either employ the 24-hour rule, where you think about how you want to correct what you said before you try and fix it, or clarify your words immediately. For the most part, we are aware that we said or did something that someone else did not like. While we cannot control their emotions, we can control our reaction to them to ensure that we do not have regret.

      I think that dealing with regret takes a certain type of person. Someone who is accountable for their actions, meaning they understand their role in the situation, is more apt to be aware of the fact that whatever the choice or decision, you immediately know that it doesn’t sit well. If that’s the case, correct it. Take the necessary actions to right the wrong you feel will result in regret down the road (whether that is in five minutes or five years).

      There are so many people in my life who say I wish I did things differently; or if they had it to do over again they would do it differently. Again, you can only feel regret once you’ve realized that whatever decision or choice you made resulted in something you did not want. What I take from their words is an acute awareness of my own life and where I am going with it. I learn from their mistakes! While I am not a parrot of my friends, I am the sum of all the parts of my life, and that includes friends, family, acquaintances, co-workers, my decisions and my choices. I can honestly say that I have no regret. I can honestly say that while I did not make the best decisions throughout my life, I do not regret the decisions I did make. If I have any regret about my decisions then I would never have experienced love, friendship (however fleeting some of them were), work experiences, health experiences, etc.

      I always find it fascinating that two people can marry and then when the marriage ends, they have regret. I always ask “why do you have regret”? At some point you loved this person, and while you may grow apart, or one party is abusive, I still do not understand the regret part. It serves no purpose in our life. Learn from the mistake; learn to watch the signs, and take the action to make the change. If you find yourself down a path that you have been before, then chances are you will repeat your mistake; and find yourself, once again, with regret.

      Regret is a waste of our thoughts and emotions. If you have regret, then dig deep, learn what you did not like about the situation, and work to not repeat it. Rather than have regret, look at it as lessons learned.

      Yes, this is a short chapter. Why? Because I do not allow regret to take any of my time.