Attitude is Everything

      Each time I experience conflict, I evaluate it. Am I in conflict with everyone around me, or just one person? If only one person, then it can be fifty-fifty as to who is driving the conflict. If I am in conflict with many people, then I feel I am the common denominator. Think about it. If you speak with five different people, and all five conversations result in conflict, you are the common denominator in those five conversations!

      When I was younger, I wouldn’t pay attention to the conflict in my life; life just was life. Some days it was good and some days it was bad. As I get older, I pay attention. I pay attention to the relationships in my life, both personal and professional, and I find that if I am unhappy, then I have so much more conflict in my life; my tolerance level is very low so when someone says or does something that bothers me, I negatively react to it. When I am happy, I have a very high tolerance and much less conflict. Sounds so logical, yet so many people do not go through this evaluation process.

      Most of us have read or heard that your attitude is the difference between a good day and a bad day. On a good day, you can receive some comment, criticism even, and be good with it. On a bad day, the exact same statement can result in hurt feelings, which if not discussed, can morph into a full blown war. What is the difference? Your state of mind. The only thing you can control is what comes out of your own mouth, the tone in which you deliver it, and the emotion that you attach to it.

      We are a society of wanting things faster, smarter, and cheaper. We have to re-learn how to communicate, and do so in such a method that is quick, clear, and concise. On the other hand, we are a society moving towards kindness and positivity. These two concepts alone can be contradictory. Brevity can often come across as direct or abrupt (negative connotation), while emotion can come across as indirect and inarticulate (also a negative connotation). If you are having a good day, you will see the positivity in the abruptness. If you are having a bad day, you will see the negativity in the abruptness.

      While I am sure there are many schools of thought on emotions in the work place, I do not believe that personal emotions belong there. My rule is whatever happens at home, stays at home; whatever happens at work stays at work. I do this visualization thing where before I walk into an office building, I visualize that no one in that building is emotionally allowed past my elbow. I imagine holding my arm straight out, and the only emotional space colleagues can occupy is from my fingertips to my elbow. Anything past my elbow is a ‘no fly zone’ for work people. Period. While this may sound cold to you, I foster and maintain excellent working relationships with people and I feel it is because I do not allow my emotions to rule my work.

      I believe there is a fine line between being emotionally invested in the work you do, and bringing your emotions to work. I view the former as passion and the latter as weakness. Emotional investment in my work is my passion; being emotional at work is my weakness. Make sense? While there are varying degrees of emotion, some overt others more passive, there is still emotion. How you interpret that emotion makes the difference in your day.

      Various sources cite that there are two types of communicators – direct and indirect. A quick ‘tell’ is a direct communicator may begin a sentence with I think, while an indirect communicator may begin a sentence with I feel. I think the best communicators are adaptable and modify their statements based on their audience, and leave their personal emotions out of it.

      If you leave your emotions at home, then logic dictates that you should always have a good day at work. And vice versa at home, leave your work emotions at work. Yes, that is my logic! If you imagine for a moment, a world where you walk into work, your memory of all other aspects of your life are erased and you can only think about work, ergo, there are no outside influences dictating your state of mind. You work at a job you enjoy and with people you enjoy, then wouldn’t you always have good days? Imagine the same of your private life, there is no work to influence your private life, and you surround yourself with people and activities you enjoy, then wouldn’t you always have good days? Why then, do we mesh the two together and start out with an emotion based on one or the other?

      Passion is good and emotion is good; however they are not good when used in the wrong space at the wrong time. I do not believe the majority of us can flick a switch and turn off our outside world while at work, and turn off our work while in the outside world. What we can (and should do) though is reign in our emotions. Understand that we are in control of them; we are the difference between our own good day and bad day. No one else.

      So how do we do this? How do we put our negative emotions on the back burner so we can focus on the job at hand? While I do not pretend to have the solution, what works for me is visualization. Visualizing that when I leave my home, whatever stuff is going on there, stays there. Same for work. When my husband asks me how my day is, I respond with great! When colleagues ask me how my weekend was, I respond with great. For some, I may elaborate, others I do not, and only my closest friends know the truth. My attitude is dictated by my own words – Great! My colleagues are amazed that I am always happy, which inside I find funny, and I am also proud. It is none of their business what goes on in my private life, so why go there. My attitude is the difference between a good day and a bad day. Sorry to tell you, you are the only difference between a good day and a bad day. You are in control of how much or how little conflict you have in your life.