Innocent Until Proven Guilty

      In most societies around the world there is a legal system whereby those accused of a crime are provided the opportunity and benefit to fight for themselves. Typically, an offender is charged with a crime, and they go to trial to defend themselves. Most of the time, there is enough proof of the crime to warrant a trial. Ergo, innocent until proven guilty. I do not find that in day to day life, we do this. Think of a time in your life where you had to defend yourself against something someone either accused you of or said about you. The moment you are placed in a state of defense you are guilty in the minds of others, and you must prove your innocence. That is the opposite of innocent until proven guilty. I think the adage needs to change to ‘guilty until proven innocent’.

      I have gone through several situations in my life where my character was called into question, where I had to defend myself against rumour, innuendo, and gossip (I think we have all been here). It is such a demoralizing experience and using our instincts as evolved humans, we fight. We fight for ourselves, our reputations, and in some cases, our livelihoods.

      What gives one person the power to defame another person? I think we have all defamed someone in our life, and I also think that the majority of us are not aware we have done so. It could be that is once again karma teaching us a lesson if the defamation happens to us, or it could be that you are a pawn in someone else’s karma that is teaching them the lesson. Regardless, you are in a position where you need to fight for what you see, as the truth. I believe that often, the proverbial ‘throwing under the bus’ stems from the ‘throwers’ insecurities and the victims strengths. Survival of the fittest, and all, right? If you cannot beat them with your brain, then just beat them. Many believe that our life is the most valuable resource on earth. It is, and I believe that our reputation is the most vulnerable. It can be boosted or destroyed in one sentence. It does not matter the credibility of the defamer, it only matters what those listening, hear, and choose to believe.

      So what are you to do when you are in a situation where you have to defend yourself against rumour, innuendo and gossip? You can fight for yourself, or you can become a victim to someone else’s opinion. Fighting does not mean to stand up and yell obscenities at your accuser. There are much more level-headed and credible ways to ‘bust the rumours’, for example:

      Do not feel like ’something has been done to you’. At some point, you were a participant in this person’s interactions. Think back about what the catalyst was, and how you participated in it. Pay close attention to the trigger so that you do not repeat it in the future.

      Keep your head held high. Do not stoop to the defamer’s level by retaliating with negative thoughts and opinions about them. Speak constructively, even positively about the person when confronted with ‘what do you think of what ‘so and so’ did to you. Do not participate in gossip sessions and water cooler talk. Keep your opinions to yourself. Be professional regardless of how unprofessional the situation is.

      Obtain enough evidence from those around you that you are not what is being said about you. Get it in writing. Forward constructive feedback to the defamer’s superiors. Keep a copy of all correspondence related to the defamation in case it progresses to the point of a law suit.

      Consider the source. Is this person a player in your life, or are they on the side lines of your life? Will this matter in 1 month from now?

      What I am trying to get you to do is be constructive about the situation. Emotions have no room for a fair fight, because it is typically emotions that started the fight in the first place. Be realistic, be truthful, accept your part in the drama, and then really consider how drastically the situation will affect your life, well-being, mental state, even livelihood.

      Yes, this all pertains to proving yourself innocent; however, at the end of the day, it is you that needs to look in the mirror at the end of it all and be able to look back at yourself. Do not worry about what will happen to them, I firmly believe karma will deal with it.

      You may need to make some drastic changes as a result; however, would you rather remain in your situation, or move to a situation that is far less damaging to you? Remember, it is all how you handle it, not how others view you. People can only destroy you, if you let them.